weekend in the woods

This past weekend, Rab and I attended a retreat with the Orthodox Young Adults (OYA) out at Camp Rotary in Crawfordsville, IN. The theme of the retreat was Repentance, and we had a few very good teachings on the subject.

In all there were twelve of us attending, seven guys and five women. After arriving Friday evening, we served the Compline and had dinner together. Our fearless cooks John and John labored untiringly in the kitchen all weekend long, and produced some of the best fasting food I’ve had in a while (granted, my own standards are pretty low). This weekend saw a grand reversal of roles; that’s right, it was the guys to be found in the kitchen. Rock on!

Friday evening we had our first teaching with Fr. John Koen. The topic was ”Repentance relating to ongoing spiritual growth and transformation”. We were reminded that repentance—true repentance—ought to be a deep sorrow and regret for past sins. Fr. John stressed the importance of frequent Confession (which acts as a kind of cleaning out of the dirtiness in our soul) and Holy Communion which is the spiritual medicine and nourishment that our soul thirsts for and needs. Fr. used the analogy of getting dirty working out in the garden. When you’re unclean and sweaty from the hard work, of course you’re going to want to take a shower. The point is, when we live life in this world we will naturally become dirty; we will fall into sin. But it is important that we keep ourselves constantly clean and healthy. This is true for the soul just as much as it is for our bodies.

Friday night we had a bonfire together. This was a good time for relaxing and hanging out, and good reflection on what we had talked about in the teaching. Later we walked out to a nearby field and looked up at the clear starry heavens; we probably saw at least twenty shooting stars.

On Saturday, Dr. George Bebawi came to give a talk on “An Orthodox Perspective on Guilt”. There are too many great things from the talk to relate; but I will mention a few. Dr. George reminded us that “the heart of Orthodoxy is the participation in the divine life, especially in the Eucharist.” According to him, there are three very tangible ways we can do this in the church: 1) the veneration of icons, which remind us of the presence of the saints; 2) the study of liturgical books and hymns of the church (Triodion, Pentacostarion and Octoechos) which serve as ”a mirror for our spiritual life”; and 3) the feasts of the church, which should be taken very seriously and attended as often as possible. 

On dealing with guilt, Dr. George suggested five things we can do: 1) Discover something creative within you. This gives you a way out of guilt. 2) Try to be an active member of a community. We must remember that we all have “a slice of loneliness”. Loneliness and guilt often go hand in hand. 3) Do not give in to self pity. After all, no one is going to feel sorry for you, and pitying yourself will get you nowhere. 4) Build on that sense of beauty within. 5) Always remember the depths of the divine love of God. We are reminded that Christ is not primarily a Judge, but the Savior of mankind who is reaching out to us from the Cross.

(For more on Dr. George, click here and here.)

Saturday afternoon was an opportunity for a bit of free time. Following a much-needed nap, many of us found ourselves wading and swimming in the nearby Sugar Creek. This was a refreshing activity, followed by freezing cold showers that really woke you up.

In the evening we had dinner and served Great Vespers. Matushka Martha gave a wonderful talk entitled “Wounded Healers.” I was reminded that it is a very normal thing to have problems, to fall into sin and various addictions. It is not our heart that is by nature evil; but rather there are a host of negative thoughts that come to us, especially if we are struggling. It is how we deal with them that counts for something. Alone we don’t stand a chance, of course; but if we call on God He is always ready to fight for us and with us. Through the struggles we experience (and struggle is a very good and natural thing), we come to a kind of growing discernment of what is good for us and what is harmful; and it is our job to root out the bad and cultivate the good. We must always be “building on that sense of beauty within.” It seems to me that the worst thing one can do is simply give up. Stop trying. And certainly this is a common struggle, as I’m sure many of us have experienced getting ‘burnt out’ and even becoming bitter and cynical. But even then we can always come back, and it is never too late to start over again. God help us.

Saturday night we had another bonfire. Once again, it was wonderful to sit around and talk late into the morning hours. Sunday morning we attended Divine Liturgy and then came back to the camp, packed up, cleaned and returned home. It was a good weekend in the woods, a refreshing time with friends away from the normal drawl of life.